Warning Lights: How a Personal Framework Can Help You Restore Your Equanimity
Right now I’m going through a big transition: I’m changing jobs. I’m wrestling with the grief of saying goodbye to my beloved parish, and the logistics of moving out of a parsonage.
I’m also excited about the new job, which starts in August. For now I’ll say it will allow me to build on some of my strengths and also learn some new skills.
A lot of change! Good, but hard. I’m finding it hard to maintain my sense of equanimity.
Recently I added something to my own personal framework: a note to myself about what to look for, when I am losing my mind.
A rule of life, a personal framework, at its core, is a document or set of documents where you write down your values, and you write down the routines that sustain you, and that help you to live out those values.
It can be a one-pager for many people.
It’s analogous to organizing yourself for work by keeping a calendar, and a task list. Some people can do all that with a pocket notebook; some of us … not so much.
Remind Yourself of Your Best Thinking About How You Live Your Life, by Writing it Down
Many of the rules of life used by monastic communities, like the Rule of Benedict, are NOT one page documents. They record decisions about values, roles within the community, and routines. Some of them also go into some philosophizing (the Rule of Benedict has a lot to say about humility), along with practical matters like how to welcome guests, how to clean the kitchen.
My own personal framework, my personal rule of life, is not a one-page document either.
Some people process their thoughts by writing, and I’m one of those people. Since I have to write to think, my personal framework is, well, wordy.
It started in a notebook, and now I use a three-ring binder.
When I sit down to review this, which I try to do once a week or at least a couple of times a month, sometimes I’ll flip through the whole thing. However, if I don’t have much time, I will simply reread what I consider the core document: the two pages where I wrote down my values.
This is enough to remind me of the kind of person I want to be in the world, and helps me as I think through my actions of the last week and think ahead to the next week.
I just keep asking myself, “How can I live out my values next week?”
A Personal Framework Leads You Back Home to Your Self
The great thing about making yourself a document like this, especially when you’re going through transitions, is that it brings you home to yourself. You can get past the surface reactivity and come back to your self again.
A personal framework is a record of your considered decisions about what is important to you, about how you want to live.
Jobs, relationships, opportunities, living conditions change all the time. Sometimes we change our values — or, perhaps, our understanding of our values — but generally our values are relatively stable.
I want to keep the same values, whatever job I do.
My values and my thoughts about what is truly important in life don’t change because I move to a different community, or have different work responsibilities.
When I remind myself of my values by reading what I wrote in times of relative peace and calm, in times when I was thinking clearly, it helps me get back to that mindset even as everything around me feels chaotic right now.
This has been so helpful to me these last few weeks, seeing my most clear thinking about my life written down.
Warning Lights: Write Down How You Know When You Are Losing Your Mind
My own personal framework includes not just that core document about the values I want to live out, but also notes to myself on these things:
a description of my ideal life: if money was no object, what would my days look like, what would I be doing for work, what would I be doing for fun, where would I live, which relationships would I want to keep going strong?
notes to myself about my work processes — what’s my quitting time, how will I stay productive and keep on track (this includes reminders to myself like blocking time after a meeting to write up the notes right away)
lists of things that give me energy, and drain my energy — I want to increase my time doing the former, decrease time doing the latter
notes to myself about the kind of person I want to be, online
notes to myself about health-related routines (I’m always working on getting a better night’s sleep)
notes to myself about financial practices I’m committing to, around budgeting, consumption, saving, investing, and so forth
notes to myself about how I can foster a spirit of equanimity in myself
and, most recently, a few sentences that I titled, “Warning Lights”
The “Warning Lights” note is about how I know when I am losing my mind.
I wrote that down!
So I can look at it, and say, “Oh, yeah, I have completely lost perspective right now! Better not make any serious decisions.”
I want to be mindful, not mindless. I know that I am mindless — I know that I have lost my mind, my perspective, my equanimity, my groundedness, my peace — when those warning lights are blinking. Here is part of that note to myself:
“I feel humorless, rushed, tense, and judgmental. I lose compassion and acceptance for others, because I have lost it for myself. I have lost my mind when I am ruminating, perseverating, going over and over things in my mind, or having imaginary arguments in my head.”
So how do I regain that spirit of equanimity?
Hey! I wrote that down in my personal framework, too!
The cure for me when I lose my mind, is usually action. (For overthinkers like me, action is usually the antidote. For people who typically act quickly, stopping action, taking a pause, is usually the antidote.)
When I lose my mind, it is time for me to get up and find it, through doing something in the real world:
“I can: go for a walk; plan something awesome to do (always have something to look forward to, on your calendar!); write down my thoughts to get them out of my head; meditate; do some stretches; pet the cats; take a shower; call a friend; make something.”
When I lose my mind, my best thinking is still available to me; because I already wrote it down. I can reread it whenever I need it.
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